OH MOTHER!

OH, MOTHER!

Reasons For Reconnecting

With Our Mothers

There is a strong woman at the beginning of everybody’s life story.

And while from the very beginning we sense that nobody is just like our mum, it’s only much later that we start to realise just how much of an effect she ultimately has on us.

Zoe Krawitz and Lisa Bonet via Lisa Bonet's Instagram Account

The bond between mother and daughter is extremely powerful and formative for both. And yet, so many mothers and daughters are struggling to relate to each other later in life, meaning that there often so many things that are left unsaid and a chasm can open between them.

Sometimes, it can feel like there are a million reasons for criticising our mums, regardless of whether we’re 6 years old, hitting our teenage years, in our 20’s, in our 30’s or older. She might have been too strict, or too easy going. Perhaps she was too distant or even too close. There will always have been some thing, some way in which she was too x or too y.

This criticism for our mums and any feelings of rejection, anger and disappointment towards her (no matter how big or small, expressed openly or kept to ourselves) often results in a strong belief that we are completely different creatures from the woman who birthed us. At the very least, we develop the sensation that we would handle things differently to how she does or deny every similarity. But suddenly, as you least expect it, there will be bizarre, eye opening moments that clearly demonstrate that you are in fact your mother’s daughter and you may even be able to see her in your own actions as if you were looking in a mirror.

As I’ve grown up and discovered who I am, I’ve come to realize that even though my overall feelings for my own mother throughout my life were of love and appreciation, there was also a lot of anger from my childhood hidden deep within that I had been suppressing for many years. That anger has been formatting my thinking and behaviour towards myself and others on many levels.

Thankfully, I recently found a way to reconnect with my buried feelings from the past during a self-awareness seminar within a community of women. As a result I am now in the process of forgiving and I am feeling a deeper, heartfelt connection with my mother. More than ever before, I really feel incredibly grateful that she exists and of the relationship we share.

Zoe Kravitzand her mother Lisa Bonet
Zoe Krawitz and Lisa Bonet via Calvin Klein

Without a doubt, there are a million reasons for loving and appreciating our mums. After all, isn’t it just the greatest gift to be alive? Our mothers carried us for 9 months and in most cases, did everything they could to set out for a better life for the next generation. It is because of her care and nurturing during her pregnancy that we even exist today. And, it is because of that fact that only we can know what her heart sounds like from the inside.

If you’ve ever felt that you might want to reconnect with your mother in some way, there’s a simple yet effective place you can start. Try writing a letter to yourself from the viewpoint of your mother. Writing such a letter may sound strange at first but it can be extremely productive and you will definitely find yourself expressing things you will have never considered before. Putting yourself in your mother’s shoes can be very conducive to reconnecting. Below is a simple guide for writing your own letter that you can use to help begin your process.

I wrote my own mum such a letter myself and the feelings and deep understanding that resulted from doing so were both surprising and sustainable. I have personally now reached a point where I am aware that I am able to shape the relationship that I have with my mother and now I think of her with so much more kindness and fondness than I ever did before.

And so, from the heart to all the wonderful ladies out there, especially the mum’s and grandma’s – our closest biological pearls down the female line, I want to say:

// Thank You, & Happy Mothers’ Day //

mother and daughter
Zoe Krawitz and Lisa Bonet via Jason Merritt/Getty Images for InStyle

Want To Write A Letter From Your Mum?

Here’s How…

  • Choose the right moment for this exercise – ideally when you have the space and time for some deeper reflection
  • Grab a pen and some paper and allow yourself to reflect on your relationship with your mother – the good parts and the bad ones too
  • Consider the moments in your relationship that may have been particularly significant to your mother – for example, your birth, your childhood, your teenage rebellion or even or successes
  • Write down, in a letter format, what your mother would say to you about these events and her experience on them. (It’s important that you write what she would say, and not what you would like her to say).
  • Afterwards, consider how you feel. Has anything changed about your feelings towards her? Has it helped you to understand her better?

 

If you feel ready and are able to, you may want to text or call your mum to connect with her, tell her that you love her and speak from the heart.

By Linda Dietsche

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